David MinorConsumerism has gotten a bad rap in our society lately. People recognize that buying more things doesn’t necessarily make you happier, and the popularity of shows like Tidying up with Marie Kondo demonstrate a hunger for a simpler life.
Minimalism is a philosophy that promotes only owning items that you use regularly and value. The more stuff we own the more stressed out we get from the cognitive demands of managing, maintaining, and organising it.
The emptiness of materialistic consumerism has led some to switch their focus from collecting things to experiences. The sense I get in conversations with friends, family and clients is that they want to travel, go to concerts, enjoy good food, and make memories that they will keep forever.
What is Wrong with Pursuing Experiences?
So what is wrong with that? Isn’t it better to focus on making memories with the ones you love rather than hoarding physical goods that will inevitably end up in a landfill? It depends on what your motivation is. If you are pursuing these experiences in an addictive way then it will ultimately lead to sorrow.
An addictive mindset is one where you pursue something solely for the pleasure derived from it, and not because of its inherent goodness. An addict is always getting high (or thinking about it), and it causes them to miss out on the beauty happening all around them. The addict is never content, and as soon as the high wears off their mind is consumed with securing the next fix.
Addiction to ‘experience’ is rampant in our society and leads to envy and general anxiety about money.
How did we Get Here?
Social media fuels this flame by showing us all the fun things that our friends and neighbours are doing. This elicits a feeling of fomo, lack, and envy. Wow, they look so happy! That looks so fun! Why aren’t I doing that? Can I afford to do that? These thoughts quickly spiral into an obsession with trip planning and hyper-focus on vacations to the detriment of the enjoyment of daily life.
So many people I talk to live in a general state of waiting for their next vacation. Many people live in a general state of dissatisfaction in their work and/or personal life and experiences provide a ready escape in the form of TV, eating out, concerts, and travel. Take away these pleasures and life would become unbearable. This is the state in which most people live.
How to Determine if you Are an Experience Addict
One way to determine if you are an experience addict is to ask yourself this question. If I was never able to travel outside my city, or go to a special event, or eat out again would I still be able to live a happy life? If the answer is no, you are an experience addict. You might think this is unreasonable, and that no person would answer yes to such a question.
But think about what happens when an addict is confronted about their addiction. They are almost always in denial and confidently proclaim “I could quit any time if I wanted too!”. Only they DON’T want to. Usually their life has to degrade to the point of utter chaos before they are willing to take a long hard look in the mirror and go to rehab.
Some other signs that you might be an experience addict:
- Complaining about how little vacation you have
- Overspending on eating out
- Overspending on sporting events or concerts
- Scheduling too many activities
- Feeling burned out from too many engagements
- Fixating on all the places you want to travel
- Fantasizing about retiring early so you can travel non-stop
- Experiencing low key depression at the mid-point between your last vacation and your next one
- Feeling depressed as your vacation nears it’s end
How to Cure Experience Addiction
Sound familiar? If you are starting to realise you have an unhealthy dependency on experiences to buoy your mental health don’t despair! There is a reliable way to get out of this (and any addiction).
The first step is admitting you have a problem.
The second step is getting help, either through a therapist, close friend or spiritual mentor. You won’t be able to beat this addiction without help so community is key.
The third step to beating addiction is to detox. Detox is necessary because depriving yourself of the drug will expose the demons that you have been running from.
At its root addictive behaviour is ritualised pain avoidance through pleasure seeking. The pain you’re running from could be depression, trauma, work stress, or a general feeling of purposelessness and boredom.
Detox Brings Clarity (and pain)
It’s important to detox for at least a month and have support and someone to help you process the emotions that come up. You will usually feel more irritable and low before you are able to work through your problems and start to see positive gains.
Detox means abstaining from the drug completely for at least one month, and sometimes longer. If you’re addicted to eating out that might mean not eating out for this period of time. If you’re addicted to fancy vacations that would mean on your next holiday have a stay-cation.
Finding Balance and Contentment
Eventually you will come back to a healthy balance, but the period of detoxing is key to expose the mental anguish that is driving the addictive behaviour. The ultimate goal is to learn to be content with a simple life. For more on contentment check out my post on how to be content.
As inflation rises and people are unable to afford the luxuries of their current lifestyle we are all feeling the sting. This is a good thing. It will be painful, but it will force us to confront and in some cases to give up our addictions to experience. For those who embrace it, it will lead to increased contentment and well-being. For those who resist it will lead to depression and despair.
What will you choose?