David MinorOne of the most shocking things that I’ve discovered in my work as a therapist is that in our postmodern culture we have forgotten how to relax. Sure we know how to cease from working. What I mean is that we have forgotten how to truly relax. For most people relaxing looks like scrolling on their phone, watching their favourite show, or playing video games with friends online.
These activities seem relaxing because we are not moving our bodies, and entertainment gives us an escape from the stress of our daily responsibilities. But what if I told you that these activities are not only NOT relaxing, but are actually contributing to your stress? As a starting point let’s dig a bit deeper into the meaning of ‘relax’.
What Do We Mean by “Relax”?
The word relax comes from the Latin ‘relaxare’ which means to loosen, open, stretch or widen again. The demands of life cause us to become tense balls of stress. To relax is to release that tension and become flexible, open, and soft. On the surface screen-based activities do seem relaxing.
Cozying up in your bed and tucking in for some mindless entertainment seems freeing in a way. But if we take a closer look at how this behaviour affects us physically, psychologically, and spiritually we will see that it is anything but relaxing. We’ll start with the physical impact.
Why Being Sedentary is Stressful
Most of us are well aware that being sedentary is not good for our health, so how does that process work? Extended periods of inactivity can reduce metabolism and impair the body’s ability to control blood sugar levels, regulate blood pressure, and break down fat. Your metabolism is like the engine of your body.
When you move the engine is warm and gives the energy needed for all necessary activities and biological processes. When it’s cold you feel lethargic and drowsy. I struggle with mild insomnia and noticed that when I laid down due to tiredness it actually made me feel more tired.
Now when I feel drowsy I go for a short walk or do 10 minutes of stretching and get a boost of energy and mental clarity. When you lay or sit down to watch TV, or doom scroll tiktok you can be guaranteed to feel more sluggish and fatigued at the end of your session. Your brain is your body, so it stands to reason then that sitting still will have negative impacts on your mental health.
How Screen-time Affects Your Brain
The primary way that being inactive while stimulating your brain is stressful is that it reduces your motivation for other activities. When you do your favourite screen based activity your brain is flooded with dopamine which makes you feel good and motivated to continue. Conversely by giving your brain free junk dopamine you reduce your motivation for other tasks such as chores or less stimulating hobbies.
This leads to a vicious cycle of less non-screen time enjoyable activities, and more screen time and sedentary behaviour. It also increases your stress from all the chores you never get done because you just can’t rip yourself away from instagram. Screen time also reduces your focus and attention span. This makes you less likely to be able to enjoy reading books or even listen to another person without getting bored or distracted.
Being bored is the precursor to creativity and engagement. We’re all so terrified of it that we never allow ourselves to be still or quiet for even a few seconds. I could go on and on regarding the deleterious psychological effects of screens but for sake of brevity let’s move to the spiritual impact.
Sedentary Screen time Wastes Your Purpose
If you’re not religious you might be thinking, how does this apply to me? You don’t have to be religious to be spiritual. Spirituality is the pursuit of virtue, meaning, purpose and the higher calling of your life. Every major faith tradition focuses on disciplining our physical appetites so that we can direct our attention to helping others and making the world a better place.
When you spend excessive amounts of time in front of a glowing box it feeds into narcissism (I only want what makes me happy right now). It also makes us feel a sense of guilt at our wasted potential. Each human being is unique and has so much to give. Screen time robs us of our most precious and limited commodity, time.
Time that we could be using to help our neighbour or solve the many pressing issues humanity faces. We also forget how to be content with the simple pleasures of life, instead gorging ourselves on cheap dopamine in an effort to stave off our malaise.
How to Relax in a Healthy Way
Ok, so now we understand why sedentary screen-time makes us stressed out but what is the alternative? I know I should be doing more other things but I enjoy my screen-time, I can’t imagine life without it! I’m not saying you have to throw away your phone and smash your laptop with a sledgehammer.
There are small things you can do, right now, to help move away from mindless cheap dopamine consumption to truly relaxing activities. You can start by tracking your screen time. Figure out how much time you are spending in front of screens, then make a goal for reducing it.
It could be as simple as ‘when I go to the washroom I’m going to leave my phone on the table’ and try to not be stimulated for the 5 minutes it takes to relieve myself. Set small goals for yourself and work up from there.
An app that many of my clients have found useful is called “one sec”. It helps you to set limits on certain apps, and when you’ve surpassed your allotted time it shows you suggestions of other activities you can do instead.
Re-learning to Relax is a Process
These other activities might not seem relaxing on their surface. Going for a walk takes energy. Stretching takes focus and exertion. How can these be relaxing?! Remember relaxing isn’t just about ceasing from movement. Our bodies are designed to move and function optimally when we are constantly moving throughout the day.
It will take time to retrain your brain and body how to relax in a healthy way. Your body and brain will fight trying to restrict screen time. You will have good days and bad days. But it all starts with first acknowledging, and never forgetting, that though screen time may be fun, it’s most assuredly NOT relaxing.